HAPPY ZOMBIE DAY

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HAPPY ZOMBIE DAY

February 14, 2013

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May all your scrotum-gnashing, gallbladder-fucking dreams come true.

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Land Shark Attack Bulletin ... ?

Land Shark is a person in my life who plagues my very existence with relentless comments and actions that take great, big, gaping bites out of my soul. My log of LS's latest strike: OK, so I really have no grounds at all to think Land Shark had anything to do with this, but it seems enough like a Land Shark-y thing to at least be behind for me to feel warranted in casting my suspicion that way. I go out to my car one morning to leave for work, right, and I bring with me a bag of garbage to toss out before I get on my way. Well upon walking back from the dumpster toward my car, I see the gigantic dent pictured below above my right rear wheel. And directly in the center of the dent (as you will see in the second picture) is a big, solitary footprint. So somebody, it seems, kicked this dent in my car. Does Land Shark know where I live? Could be. Might LS or an LS crony have loosed this angry booting unto my vehicle in the AVN parking lot while no one was looking, to only first be di

Please God, Tell Me Ron Jeremy Didn't Pork My Mom

OK, on Saturday night, I went to this pretty rad party that Matt Zane invited me to thrown by current Hustler cover girl Jayme Langford for her girlfriend Alexandra Ivy's birthday at their house. Sometime close to midnight, who strolled in but Ron Jeremy. I found this interestingly coincidental, because not two days earlier, my mom had phoned me up to tell me she'd just heard him on the radio in my hometown of Charlotte, N.C. Well, I went up and engaged Ron in a little small talk, during which I said to him, "So I heard you were just in my hometown." "Where's that?" he asked. "Charlotte," I said, to which he replied, "Yeah! How'd you know that?" "My mom called me up ..." I began, and he jumped in with, "Oh, god! That was your mom ?!" Now here's the troubling part: The following morning — Mother's Day, to be precise — I made the obligatory Mother's Day call to her , and figured, what the hell, I'

Exciting News: Roberta E. Bassin Guests on 'Ray Donovan'

Here's a press release that came my way and may be of interest to somebody: Actress Roberta E. Bassin makes a guest appearance on this week's episode of Showtime's Ray Donovan . No details on what her role is in the episode, but you should recognize her as the gal with the "soft voice and cascading strawberry-blond hair," so the release describes her. You may also recognize her as "Lilly the boozy bar regular" in 1987 Mickey Rourke/Faye Dunaway film Barfly —a role that apparently was "iconic." I don't know, I was 12 then, didn't see it. But she's gone on to appear in Rock 'n' Roll High School Forever , Clint Eastwood's J. Edgar , and TV shows including Criminal Minds , Grey's Anatomy and ER . "I've been at both ends of the spectrum when it comes to my career with highs and lows," Bassin said. "But I love acting and enjoy each new success, big and small. In the end, you have to love what you do

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